A Guide for Writing Scams

Part of my job is to check our general email inbox. At present I have over 52,000 unread emails but rather than deal with that pile of muck, I am instead going to share one of the many junk emails I get because I think they are hilarious:
Also, if you are a scammer, please read this post, you may find some useful advice.
    

FROM OFFICE OF THE WESTERN UNION BONUS ORGANIZER. 

aka Mrs.Jane Arumba. <info@zoo-heidelberg.de>

First of all, if you're going to scam people, shouldn't your fake email at least look like it might slightly relate to whatever scam you're running?

ADDRESS; 965 IVORIAN TOWERS,AVE. 

Oh, yeah, that seems legit

PARAKOU.BENIN REP.
I wasn't totally sure, but yes, this actually a place.

Attn:cUSTOMER, 

Is a little proof-reading/ spell check too much to ask?


This is to inform you about the latest development concerning your (UNCLAIMED)payment which was left in our custody for sometime now.
Sometime? But you're not sure when? 


We understood that you where given a bill of ( $195 ) or so, in order to receive your payment of which you couldn't as at then for one reason or other.
No words.


Hence, Our Western Union ( Department ) of the funds holding bank is now offering a Special BONUS to help you in receiving all your payment in our custody. Now in other words we are now requesting you to just pay only $89,to receive your FUNDS left in our custody since.
WOW! What a bargain! Only $89 and I have MY MONEY???? Also you still seem unclear exactly how long you have had this money. Just make up a date. Stick to it. 


Beside,this is the last opportunity for you to get your FUNDS and you are advised to comply and you will start getting your funds ( $10,000 ) per day 2 x 1,totaling ($890.600.00 ) 

Is that a threat? I am advised to comply. That sounds vaguely like a threat. Also 10,000 x 2 x 1 does not equal that number. 

"Note" that after (3 DAYS) you did not make the payment then we will convert the funds to Government pause as the law stipulated it here or totally cancellation of payment.
Oh no! They're going to give my funds to Government!! Is that the Marxist Republic government of Bernin? Or some other thing?

Again after ( 2 weeks) of this BONUS We shall enter a new project for the year and that was the reason we are offering this help to you. 

I'm not even sure what you're going for here. 


So you are advised to send the ( $89 ) immediately so that we can key in your payment in our PAYMENT DATA BASE to enable you to start receiving it from tomorrow.
At least this number is staying consistent


After the payment of $89 you will start receiving your money every day ($5,000 X 2 ) through Western Union Or Money Gram preferably by you ( $10,000 ) until the full payment of $890.600.00 is completed. So what you will be receiving per day is ($10,000.)
Didn't we just talk about keeping #"s consistent?


Please re-confirm and forward the below info., to the paying officer to avoid wrong transfer :

Contact Officer: Mr.Melvin Udah,( Area Director, Western Union Dept.) Email; XXXX@yahoo.com.hk / XXXX@yahoo.fr 

I actually deleted the real emails, just in case someone tries to steal my $890.600.00

Tel:+229 66 784 146


Confirm below Info of yours to him, to avoid any wrong transfer.
Sure!


Receivers Name BlogWriter, Age 27 Address What for? Tel # Are you really going to call me from Africa? ======,Occupation/Position Why on earth do you care? Country Didn't we cover this? Text,Question Again, why are you asking for this?

Answer==========Scan Copy of Any identification Ohhh, now I see. You're going to try and steal my identity. Clever clever. But, having read this, I honestly wonder what value my identity would possibly have to you. 

Seriously, this is actually a question for me. What are you hoping to get out of this? What's your end game? Do these things ever work? I mean, they must sometimes because I keep getting this emails, but don't you think you should have some stronger call to action?

Don't get my occupation. Ask me to send you the $89. Seriously, I've never understood this. 

Anyway, if anyone knows why these scammers try it this way, can you write and let me know? I am honestly curious.
Yours Faithfully. 

Awwww.

Mrs.Jane Arumba.

WESTERN UNION BONUS ORGANIZER.

WESTERN UNION AREA OFFICE BENIN REPUBLIC.

Again, points for consistency.